I don’t think anyone would disagree with me when I say that people remember others by the way they made them feel, not by the words they chose to use. This quote has been around for aaaaages… and there is real truth behind it!
I’m here to tell you that the best way to make an impact on people, for better or worse (let’s hope for the latter), is to think about the place you are coming from when you chose your words. This, my friend, is the secret to doing less…
Before we dive into doing less work, I need to explain to you the difference between goal setting and values.
Walking your talk
Walking your talk is the best and quickest way to have an impact on people you chose to surround yourself with. This could mean if you’re a teacher and you want to have an impact on your students, or a parent who can influence your child, or it could be with friends or a partner.
The most important thing to do to ensure you walk your talk, is to have a talk to walk! I’m sure most of you are already aware of SMART goals, but what I would like to introduce you to if you haven’t already heard of, is values. This is how we determine our ‘talk’.
What happens when you set yourself a goal and then achieve it? The most common response here is, “you set another one.” There is great power in taking the time to set your goals and visualize yourself achieving them. And the more specific your goals are, the more likely you are to reach them. However, goals are not consistent. They are not long term, and eventually, if you set them right, you will achieve them before moving quickly onto the next. It can be satisfying to achieve a goal, but generally that satisfaction only lasts a short amount of time until you set your next goal. You always have the sense of striving to do something or achieve something which can sometimes get in the way of celebrating what you have actually done. Feeling unsatisfied for long periods of time while you work towards achieving your goal can not always feel good, but what if I told you there was a way to set ‘goals’ that made you feel good all of the time? And you didn’t need to wait until you achieved it to feel the sense of achievement, satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment? Keep reading…
Values are different to goals. The are regular and consistent, and the cannot be measured. Values are more of a way of living than something to reach. For example, my value for work is ‘to empower others and to do work that is in perspective.’ Notice that I can’t measure that? You may be asking, well how do you know when you achieve it? And the answer is, you won’t. If your values are something you can achieve and be done with, then it’s a goal, not a value.
The power in creating your own values is consistency, and that’s where doing less comes in!
Goals are forever changing. Values stick.
Values in action
In any conflict or argument you find yourself in (because over our life time we will have our fair share), it’s helpful to be aware of our values. For example, at school if I was having a conversation with a student who had been naughty, I can begin by letting them know what my values are, ‘I’m having this conversation because I care about you…’ as opposed to ‘punishing’ them or telling them they need to change. Or, in a fight with your bf (boyfriend or best friend), ‘I want to talk to you about this and how I’m feeling because I want to connect with you and be closer to you,’ rather than because you’re mad at them or want them to feel like they are ‘wrong’ and you are ‘right’. This is the ego talking.
When we make our intentions extremely clear from the start, and our intentions are always the same and consistent, that’s how we do less. It may take more time in the beginning to set your values and make them be known, but trust me when I say this, that in any context, work, relationships or with yourself, bring everything back to your values and intentions and you will have more success in whatever you are trying to achieve.
When your interactions with other people are driven by your pure intentions, they will feel that and they will know it. This has more impact than the words that you say. AND!!! It gives you more sense of time…
So think about it… what is it that you value?
Maybe you’ll have three or four different values based on the different areas of your life?