Did you know that for a man to realise a woman is interested in him, she has to flirt seven times before he will notice?
A social study observed both men and women in a social setting. At first, it was a room full of fifteen women. Later in the experiment, fifteen men entered the room. It’s so interesting to see how the women instantly changed their behavior. The girls started flicking their hair and talking louder… I wonder why?
When one of the women was interested in one of the men, she had to send him, on average, seven flirtatious cues before he realised she was interested. For example, a flirtatious cue would be flicking her hair, or touching his arm when she spoke.
Well ladies, we see flirting as just good manners. We flirt even when we aren’t interested! Because, well, we think it’s rude not to.
So it makes perfectly good sense when we think about why men need us to be so direct sometimes, because we confuse the poor buggers.
A tip for the ladies
First of all, well done for trying to be so polite. It’s nice to know that, we as a general population, we like to show we are interested when men talk to us in social settings. On the other hand, if you like a guy and he’s just not getting it, keep going! He will catch on eventually.
Louann Brizendine is an American neuropsychiatrist and author of The Female Brain. She explains that the biggest differences in women’s behaviour from men’s is mainly due to our hormones.
She explains that women feel good and confident with ourselves when we are able to maintain intimate relationships with others. We need to feel like we have a good social life. This doesn’t mean we need to have a full social calendar and go to parties every weekend. It means that we like to feel like we can talk to others, and others like to talk to us. Connecting with others through talking activates the pleasure part in a girl’s brain. Dopamine and oxytocin are feel good hormones that our brain releases when we talk to others.
No wonder girls find it unbearably hard to cope with feelings of being left out or having their phone/communication taken away from them.
A tip for the lads
Men’s self-esteem comes from their ability to be independent from others. Louann Brizendine explains that men need to feel like they are respected by others, but are not interested in creating conflict to do so.
Bravo to you for sticking around and trying to read a female’s body language. Because girls flirt when they aren’t interested, it can be difficult to notice or read when she actually is. My biggest tip for you is, hang around a bit longer and keep watching. If she is interested, maybe you could count seven flirtatious cues (in your head silently of course) and see if she keeps going after that. This will be a pretty good sign.
Embrace diversity and laugh at our wonderful differences
Men are from mars and women are from venus. We were made differently, and thank goodness. Instead of trying to make men talk so much, or women to talk less, we can celebrate what makes us different, because we were meant to be different.
My mum always says ’embrace diversity’. Sometimes it’s hard to do, but it can also keep us sane if we accept our differences instead of fighting against them.
My sister also passed down a little nugget of wisdom. She told me ‘men are a different breed.’ I feel so Oprah when I pass this onto my friends, like I’m providing a public service when they are having issues with a boyfriend. Sometimes men just don’t understand a woman, and why would they? They’re men, and we are women, and we work differently.
It’s helpful to be aware of and accept our differences, and being explicit with each other helps. Like ‘hey, you’re annoying me,’ or ‘I like you,’ is better than trying seven times to get their attention another way, like giving them the silent treatment or getting whiplash by flicking your hair a million times.
Women are not right, and men are not wrong. Or vice versa. Saying that is like comparing apples with pears. It’s not helpful or accurate. We are just simply different, which keeps things fresh and interesting!
This is Zac asking me why my shirt is ripped. And my eye roll clearly says, ‘babe, you have no idea. It’s called fashion.’
What are your experiences of men being different to women?
Have you ever been frustrated with the opposite sex?
How can you think differently now the next time you are frustrated or challenged by the opposite sex?